The Balancing Act of Pacing: Mixing Dialogue, Action, Thoughts and Narrative

by Ann Roth
©2005

A key to achieving smooth, even pacing is to balance your use of dialogue, action, thoughts and narrative. To see how this works, pull out a favorite novel--any one on your keeper shelf. Page through it, paying attention to how the author balances these things throughout the book. Notice how the balance shifts depending on the level of action taking place. For example, in an action-packed scene the narrative and thoughts are limited or non-existent. Dialogue and action, mostly in short sentences, prevail. A less action-packed scene balances dialogue and action with thoughts and narrative in longer sentences.

If you don't have a book handy, here is an example taken from THE LAST TIME WE KISSED, my August, 2004 Harlequin American novel. This excerpt is taken from the first scene in the novel and is from the heroine's (Amy's) point of view. Notice the interplay between dialogue, action, thoughts and narrative.

Narrative:  Sam shifted uncomfortably before his robin’s-egg blue eyes settled on her. He’d gotten those from his mother, a Swede, while his tawny skin and black hair came from his Native American father.

Dialogue and narrative:  “Hello, Amy.”  His throat worked thickly. “It’s been a long time.”

Thoughts and feelings, action and dialogue:  Once that low, sexy voice had sent thrills shivering through her. Unfortunately it still did. Resisting the urge to sigh, Amy schooled her expression to disinterest. “Yes, it has.”

Narrative, thoughts:  Then, silence. What was there to say? It had all been said with heated accusations and hateful words twelve years ago.

Action, dialogue:  A worried frown darkened Mariah’s face as she glanced from Sam to Amy. “What’s the matter?”

Dialogue, action, thoughts and feelings:  “Nothing,” Amy replied, feigning nonchalance with an airy wave. She meant that, too. There was nothing between her and Sam, had been nothing for a long time. This strong visceral reaction to him, well it was simply because he was a powerfully-built, good-looking man.

Action, narrative dialogue:  She tore her gaze from Sam’s to glance at Mariah. The girl’s shoulder-length brown hair hung loose around her face. “We’re about to start rehearsal, so change your shoes, then hurry and fix your hair. Mrs. Jeffries will help you put it into a bun.”

Narrative, action:  The little girl nodded, then scampered off, her small gym bag bumping her leg.

Action, feelings, thoughts, dialogue:  Sam shoved his hands into his pockets and remained planted in front of Amy, his expression indifferent except for the glint of interest in his eyes. Her stomach knotted with tension. She wanted only to get rid of him, and then lose herself in her work. She made a show of glancing at the slim gold watch on her wrist. “We’ll be finished by six. You can pick up Mariah then.”

Dialogue, narrative:  "Okay." He searched her face as if memorizing her features. “It’s good to see you,” he said, then looked surprised at his own words.

Dialogue, thoughts, feelings:  “And you,” she replied before she could stop herself. I’ve been back in town for a year now. Why haven’t you looked me up?

Thoughts, feelings:  Not that she’d wanted him to. If not for Mariah, they could have co-existed in Forest Hills without ever running into each other. They didn’t share the same friends or the same interests, and never had.

Dialogue:  “I’m ready, Miss Parker,” Mariah called from the bench. “See you later, Uncle Sam.”

Narrative, thoughts:  He waved goodbye, then turned around and strode to the exit as if he couldn’t wait to leave.

Narrative, dialogue:  When the door shut behind him, a wide-eyed Kari joined Amy on stage. “That was Sam Cutter, the owner of the Cutter’s Fabulous Burgers chain,” she said with blatant admiration. “I’ve seen his picture in the papers. He’s even better looking in person. How do you know him?”

Dialogue, thoughts, feelings, actions:  “How do I know Sam?” Amy repeated, stalling for time while she corralled the whirl of emotions tumbling inside her. Kari was a world-class gossip, and Amy did not relish being the subject of her latest juicy story. She picked up the remote and pushed the play button. Strains from a light-hearted Mozart piece filled the room. She hit pause, then offered Keri a what she hoped was a dismissive smile. “I used to be married to him. 

By combining thoughts, narrative and action with dialogue, the reader is drawn into a story that flows.

If you struggle with uneven pacing, check out the balance between the narrative and your characters' dialogue, action and thoughts. When you achieve the right mix of these things, you'll be on your way to writing a well-paced story.

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